Hmmm

[zahryn]

I am due to go back to work today, I am bathed and dressed, killing time until I have to go begin the battle to find a) a parking space and b) a station to sit at.
As I'm sitting here thinking about going back, I haven't been at work for 11 days, partly holiday/shift days off and partly sickness, but I am having anxious feelings about going back, my breathing is erratic and I am feeling the adrenaline reaction.

I wonder if it's to do with things moving on in my absence, the rest of my training team will have more experience than me, I won't have been in on any of the incentive schemes, I won't have a call for scoring before going into my new team etc. I don't usually feel this way for example, going back to work after a holiday away, so why now?

I also wonder if a bit of it is to do with knowing that it's not what I want to be doing. I don't want to work there, I am tired of sales, I want to find my vocation, my niche in the working world, and now I have the oompf to find that job, I am unhappy working where I am.

Regardless of the reason, the reaction is very real, and although it's low level, it's very much there.

I should probably go meet it head on and get to work now.

Comments

[zahryn.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the comment at all, I think if you spend any time with me you're likely to cotton to the fact that I am a raving control freak with controlling tendencies :) although it is under much better control *giggle* than it used to be, some of the OCD has abated which is nice. I hope you get better braned soon :^)