Hmmm

[zahryn]

I am due to go back to work today, I am bathed and dressed, killing time until I have to go begin the battle to find a) a parking space and b) a station to sit at.
As I'm sitting here thinking about going back, I haven't been at work for 11 days, partly holiday/shift days off and partly sickness, but I am having anxious feelings about going back, my breathing is erratic and I am feeling the adrenaline reaction.

I wonder if it's to do with things moving on in my absence, the rest of my training team will have more experience than me, I won't have been in on any of the incentive schemes, I won't have a call for scoring before going into my new team etc. I don't usually feel this way for example, going back to work after a holiday away, so why now?

I also wonder if a bit of it is to do with knowing that it's not what I want to be doing. I don't want to work there, I am tired of sales, I want to find my vocation, my niche in the working world, and now I have the oompf to find that job, I am unhappy working where I am.

Regardless of the reason, the reaction is very real, and although it's low level, it's very much there.

I should probably go meet it head on and get to work now.

Comments

[nutter4.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[zahryn.livejournal.com]

Thanks :0)

[maetang.livejournal.com]

Good luck!

[zahryn.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I really felt I needed all the luck I could get, in the end it was a slow day, so my new team and I were making up and playing games, doing quizzes into the evening which eased me back into work slowly.

[unwillinggal.livejournal.com]

Perhaps the reaction is because you didn't plan the time off? Are you a quiet control freak, like me? :-) I know I sometimes write off my instincts because I don't feel I controlled them, and if I didn't control them I should worry, etc. ...

Sales sucks, IMO - I left Kwik Fit in a huff over sales, so I empathise a bit. Are you looking for a niche that is similar though, or something different?

[zahryn.livejournal.com]

Not sure "quiet" control freak is quite the way to describe it. I am more of your raving homicidal control freak :) I used to ignore and supress certain emotions because I couldn't control them, fear, anger that kind of thing. I still do sometimes because I'm overwhelmed by a feeling of not knowing what to *do* with them, but for the most part I'm trying to take them out and shake them, look at them from all angles etc etc while not getting swept away into the emotion. Especially anger. :)

The kind of job I'm drawn to at the moment is something mutli-tasking, organisational, something like PR or events organiser, some kind of facilitator work where I get to see things through from beginning to end.
I got a hot tip from a member yesterday on the phone which was ace and I've been looking into it this morning.

[unwillinggal.livejournal.com]

OK, perhaps not 'quiet' - did I mean 'not obvious', I wonder? Who knows. <:-) I know what you mean about the whole strong emotion thing. All the best with your hot tip. :-) (sparse comment, I know, but I cannot brain today for I have the dumb.)

[zahryn.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the comment at all, I think if you spend any time with me you're likely to cotton to the fact that I am a raving control freak with controlling tendencies :) although it is under much better control *giggle* than it used to be, some of the OCD has abated which is nice. I hope you get better braned soon :^)