Excellent Birthday
Aug. 8th, 2006 10:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zahrynWell folks, I am officially 31 years old, but still show all the signs of remaining an ex-teenager until the day I die.
I had a great day, Dad got me up and took me to Borders, we each chose a bunch of expensive books (and some we'd been wanting for ages) and retired upstairs to Starbucks to peruse and discuss them over large buckets of coffee. It was a very good day, Dad is the only one who will do this with me and we whiled away a good 4 hours just talking and drinking, occasionally going to swap one pile of books for another. I found another book of the A.A.A.R Roberts take-off series, I have finished "The Soddit" and am looking for "The Bored of the Rings" but only managed to find "The Va Dinci Cod" which also looks really funny.
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nutter4 or probetech can vouch for my giggles while reading "The Soddit" it's been a while since any book made me laugh outloud like that.
Anyway, I spent some of my birthday money on the following:
Easy Nature Guides - Easy Wildflower Guide
Lindsay Philpott - Pocket guide to Knots
Collins Gem Guide - Trees
Ray Mears - Essential Bushcraft
Collins Photoguide - Complete British Wildlife
I also ordered "Bushcraft" by Mors Kochanksi who was at the bcuk bushmoot last weekend and was quite impressive. I bought 3 bookmarks at Borders as well, I have 3 different books on the go atm (4 if you include the ones I bought today) and no bookmarks so I splashed out and bought 3 of the 99p ones. My favourite is a picture of a wide-eyed kitten and it says "I may not be perfect, but I'm always me!" which I really liked.
So, after we left Borders we stopped at Asda to exchange a DVD dad bought by mistake, and we also picked up "The Incredibles" which I have seen before, but neither parent has, we watched it this evening and it was brilliant (again) I enjoyed watching dad laugh at all the same bits I think are ace. Doreen and Tony came over just after 3pm and we had a chat with tea and birthday cake (a purple ronnie one :)) and I opened some of my cards until it was time to pick mum up and order dinner. We ordered chinese food from Covingham shops which is always really good, and I've been craving prawn crackers to dip in sweet and sour sauce since we had chinese on whatever day it was last week (losing track, Tuesday? Wednesday? not sure.) I finished opening cards and the remainder of my pressies and then we watched the film, it's just finished (we had to watch the "Jack-Jack attack part of Disc 2 as well) and now everyone is settling for bed except me.
I am wide-awake, it's almost 11pm, but I have my docs appointment and referral appointment with the psych person tomorrow which I have been thinking quite a lot about. I'm not worried about the health check, my BP and cholesterol and everything are fine, I'm not diabetic and since I'm not interested in having kids anything 'menstrual' is no longer of any importance. I am a little 'interested' in how the psych-evaluation goes though. Sarah suggested it might be a form of 'mental triage' to see how crazy I am and therefore how high up the waiting list I need to go. I'm not worried about it exactly, except in so far as I really don't know what's going to happen, fear of the unknown is reasonable I think. I have spoken with other people who either have, or are undergoing the type of therapy I am hoping to start and I'm a little daunted by the prospect, even though I don't really know what that prospect is. I really have no idea what is going to happen and it's a little un-nerving, especially for someone as 'control-freakish' as I am.
I'm sure it'll be fine, nothing to worry about, but I wonder if I shouldn't have booked the psych bit before anyone tries to take my blood pressure *weak grin*
I also got a callback from Helen at Nationwide, she and her management team have decided to put me in the induction group to go through the 'academy' part with everyone else, she wants me to go in with my I.D on friday and then I start Monday (I think) and once the induction part is finished (in about a month depending how quickly I pick it up) I should find myself fast-tracked through the sales group and into the management structure. The question really is whether or not I want that. I have been management, I have done sales management, I have had the pressure and the complaints and the targets etc, but I'm honestly not sure if I want that again. The money would be nice, don't get me wrong, and since I am looking to buy a car it would be very nice, but is it worth it? I've lived, eaten and breathed "the job" but with all the new things I want to do and learn and try, I don't think I want that anymore.
One of the 'negatives' about the Leo personality on a bookmark in Waterstones in Maidstone was arrogance (yes, I know it's only a bookmark, not a guide for life). I am coming to the conclusion that it's the only one out of the 4 (also including dogmatic, sulky and intolerant) which really hurts, I know I'm not sulky - I don't have the attention span to be sulky, I can tend towards dogmatic and intolerant, but usually only in ridgidly defined areas, but on the whole I don't think I could really be described as arrogant (correct me if I'm wrong) I do tend to be a strong leader, and I gravitate towards leadership type roles, it doesn't seem to matter what the subject or field, part of me wonders if it's to do with being accepted and respected as a person, but I'm sure part of it is because of the terrible leadership I have had in the past. It's not that I mind the lower-level work, after all to be successfull in a company it's really better I think to start on the ground floor and learn everything from there up, but it's fair to say that since I left uni, I am used to succeeding, is that arrogance? I'm not sure.
The point of all this is that I am wondering if therapy is something you can 'succeed' at? Can you really ever say "Yes, I fought therapy and won?" and if you go into therapy do you need it forever? Once you begin, does it ever really end? The ultimate question as it keeps popping into my head is "am I fixable?" which is quite a scary thought if the answer isn't definitly a resounding "YES" Will I sound stupid if I ask the therapist these questions?
Well, that turned into a bit of a waffle session. I think I'd better go write a list of questions I want to ask the therapist tomorrow, maybe then I'll get tired.
I had a great day, Dad got me up and took me to Borders, we each chose a bunch of expensive books (and some we'd been wanting for ages) and retired upstairs to Starbucks to peruse and discuss them over large buckets of coffee. It was a very good day, Dad is the only one who will do this with me and we whiled away a good 4 hours just talking and drinking, occasionally going to swap one pile of books for another. I found another book of the A.A.A.R Roberts take-off series, I have finished "The Soddit" and am looking for "The Bored of the Rings" but only managed to find "The Va Dinci Cod" which also looks really funny.
nutter4 or probetech can vouch for my giggles while reading "The Soddit" it's been a while since any book made me laugh outloud like that. Anyway, I spent some of my birthday money on the following:
Easy Nature Guides - Easy Wildflower Guide
Lindsay Philpott - Pocket guide to Knots
Collins Gem Guide - Trees
Ray Mears - Essential Bushcraft
Collins Photoguide - Complete British Wildlife
I also ordered "Bushcraft" by Mors Kochanksi who was at the bcuk bushmoot last weekend and was quite impressive. I bought 3 bookmarks at Borders as well, I have 3 different books on the go atm (4 if you include the ones I bought today) and no bookmarks so I splashed out and bought 3 of the 99p ones. My favourite is a picture of a wide-eyed kitten and it says "I may not be perfect, but I'm always me!" which I really liked.
So, after we left Borders we stopped at Asda to exchange a DVD dad bought by mistake, and we also picked up "The Incredibles" which I have seen before, but neither parent has, we watched it this evening and it was brilliant (again) I enjoyed watching dad laugh at all the same bits I think are ace. Doreen and Tony came over just after 3pm and we had a chat with tea and birthday cake (a purple ronnie one :)) and I opened some of my cards until it was time to pick mum up and order dinner. We ordered chinese food from Covingham shops which is always really good, and I've been craving prawn crackers to dip in sweet and sour sauce since we had chinese on whatever day it was last week (losing track, Tuesday? Wednesday? not sure.) I finished opening cards and the remainder of my pressies and then we watched the film, it's just finished (we had to watch the "Jack-Jack attack part of Disc 2 as well) and now everyone is settling for bed except me.
I am wide-awake, it's almost 11pm, but I have my docs appointment and referral appointment with the psych person tomorrow which I have been thinking quite a lot about. I'm not worried about the health check, my BP and cholesterol and everything are fine, I'm not diabetic and since I'm not interested in having kids anything 'menstrual' is no longer of any importance. I am a little 'interested' in how the psych-evaluation goes though. Sarah suggested it might be a form of 'mental triage' to see how crazy I am and therefore how high up the waiting list I need to go. I'm not worried about it exactly, except in so far as I really don't know what's going to happen, fear of the unknown is reasonable I think. I have spoken with other people who either have, or are undergoing the type of therapy I am hoping to start and I'm a little daunted by the prospect, even though I don't really know what that prospect is. I really have no idea what is going to happen and it's a little un-nerving, especially for someone as 'control-freakish' as I am.
I'm sure it'll be fine, nothing to worry about, but I wonder if I shouldn't have booked the psych bit before anyone tries to take my blood pressure *weak grin*
I also got a callback from Helen at Nationwide, she and her management team have decided to put me in the induction group to go through the 'academy' part with everyone else, she wants me to go in with my I.D on friday and then I start Monday (I think) and once the induction part is finished (in about a month depending how quickly I pick it up) I should find myself fast-tracked through the sales group and into the management structure. The question really is whether or not I want that. I have been management, I have done sales management, I have had the pressure and the complaints and the targets etc, but I'm honestly not sure if I want that again. The money would be nice, don't get me wrong, and since I am looking to buy a car it would be very nice, but is it worth it? I've lived, eaten and breathed "the job" but with all the new things I want to do and learn and try, I don't think I want that anymore.
One of the 'negatives' about the Leo personality on a bookmark in Waterstones in Maidstone was arrogance (yes, I know it's only a bookmark, not a guide for life). I am coming to the conclusion that it's the only one out of the 4 (also including dogmatic, sulky and intolerant) which really hurts, I know I'm not sulky - I don't have the attention span to be sulky, I can tend towards dogmatic and intolerant, but usually only in ridgidly defined areas, but on the whole I don't think I could really be described as arrogant (correct me if I'm wrong) I do tend to be a strong leader, and I gravitate towards leadership type roles, it doesn't seem to matter what the subject or field, part of me wonders if it's to do with being accepted and respected as a person, but I'm sure part of it is because of the terrible leadership I have had in the past. It's not that I mind the lower-level work, after all to be successfull in a company it's really better I think to start on the ground floor and learn everything from there up, but it's fair to say that since I left uni, I am used to succeeding, is that arrogance? I'm not sure.
The point of all this is that I am wondering if therapy is something you can 'succeed' at? Can you really ever say "Yes, I fought therapy and won?" and if you go into therapy do you need it forever? Once you begin, does it ever really end? The ultimate question as it keeps popping into my head is "am I fixable?" which is quite a scary thought if the answer isn't definitly a resounding "YES" Will I sound stupid if I ask the therapist these questions?
Well, that turned into a bit of a waffle session. I think I'd better go write a list of questions I want to ask the therapist tomorrow, maybe then I'll get tired.
