zahryn | So Much

Well, quick purge and then a hot bath with a christmas present Lush bath bomb (from my perceptive sister) called "Cerridwens Cauldron" which smells gorgeous.

Email from Charlie saying that after careful consideration he is going to have to say 'no' to the divorce. It said a number of other choice things about being surprised that I should want to be on my own given my bad self-image, he thinks that I should want to have anyone around me and that he wasn't giving up without a fight. He's on my blocked senders list now.

I'm fairly drained and exhausted, the idea of having to go through a fight just makes me want to cry. I emailed Airpages lawyer in Bozeman, MT with a synopsis of what I wanted and asked for a quote for a standard 'hostile' divorce involving no blame.

I did get in contact with

old_crone who is going to help me with a psychic seperation this weekend, I am very sure that, whether accidentally or on purpose I am under attack, possibly from both mother and son, I don't feel comfortable trying to meditate when I can't get into my safe space and I have no shielding or way to put any up.

In other news, many *rocking hugs and tons of love from me to

nutter4,

preest and anyone else suffering from the terrible lurg-monster which is going around.

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It said a number of other choice things about being surprised that I should want to be on my own given my bad self-image

Hmm... now, why does that remind me of Jason...?

asked for a quote for a standard 'hostile' divorce involving no blame

I can understand the feeling of not wanting to get involved in a fight when you feel your energy is low. The other thing you could do, of course, is to invite him over for a "reconciliation" - then have me and a few others reconcile the bastard using baseball bats.

Just a thought. :)

*huggles*

Ooh, another quick thought - Thor is strongly associated with warding (one of his roles is to ward off the giants, and other nasties). So it might be worth having a chat with him about this specifically for your protection.

I have been talking to him fairly constantly for the past few days, dreamt about him last night and had a "hammer" moment whilst writing my response to the latest email. (Privately in LJ, I am not actually sending it to him, it would only encourage him)

Hmm... now, why does that remind me of Jason...?

Perhaps because it's Jason in Charlie clothing? Jason did 'you'll never leave me because no-one else will have you' and Charlie is doing 'better to have me around than the no-one you'll have without me' which I think is about the same thing.

Charlies is a bit more dangerous though because it's subtly playing directly on my self-image and total absence of boundaries, whereas Jasons was pure bullying.

It's not that I won't fight, and in fact, I had a flash of spirit (thpewit) after I got out of the bath, it's just that I'm swimming upstream knowing full well that if I don't keep kicking I'll drown. I need support (and am unbelievably glad that I have it) and although I am down at the moment because of the psychic mucking about, I know I have a backlog of frustration which will keep me going.

I just don't want to have to, especially with all the other work I'm doing.

So Much

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